The hard things to learn
by Muffins Planned
Summary: She had tought about that peace she'd gotten for weeks, but she knew it was wrong.. OneShot, rated T for cutting.


It started when she was cutting the greens for her sallad, and the knife slant, and cut her thumb, for a minute all her thoughts were on the pain, to make the bleeding stop, she couldn't feel the physical pain, the depression she tried to hide. 

She had thought about that peace she'd gotten for weeks, she knew it was wrong, that she shouldn't, but she wanted to, she wanted the pain to go away, she wanted it so bad.

So one day, when her life felt like it was slipping away from her, she got home, and took out a razor from the cabinet in her bathroom, she thought about it for a split second, before cutting the flesh on her wrist up. The pain jolted trough her body, and she panicked when she saw the blood, she had to make the bleeding stop. She took the nearest towel, and wrapped it hard round her wrist.

_A doctor shouldn't have done this, doctors should be living healthy, a idylic life, they shouldn't cut themselves._

It took a few weeks before she did it again, she had gotten scared of the amount of blood that she had bled, and the pain and dizziness that followed, but when she felt like the whole world was on her shoulder, that she was near a collapse, she did it again, this time she knew what was going to happen, so she grabbed a towel before, and cut a small cut, then she wrapped her arm. It was then she could close her eyes, and breathe. She was at peace.

At first she did it when it was too hard, but she found herself wanting that escape more and more often, like an drug addict wanted his drugs. She knew that she needed help, but she didn't feel worthy that help.

She always wore sweaters, and shirts with long arms, loose jeans or other type of pants, she didn't just cut her wrists her legs had become a place where scars were all over the place.

After a while she cut herself everyday, the life in her eyes disappeard, her face was drained from colour, her hair was damp, she stoped eating, for she tought she looked fat, after looking at her body, looking at her scars for hours everyday, who wouldn't find flaws with their bodys.

Chase, Foreman and House gave her food, everyday, cause they knew she wasn't eating, and she took it, but she did not eat, she walked away from them with the food, and then trew it away when she tought no one saw, thought being the key word.

One day it had gone to far, she hadn't eaten in days, and her hands were shaking as she cut herself, and she cut to deap, when she realised that the towel she had was drenshed in blood, she stood up, to get an other, she got out to the livingroom, that led to where she had the towles, she colapsed, and in the fall her glass coffee table broke, and broke glass was scatterd all around her uncontious body.

The neighbours must have called the police, cause the next time she awoke, she was in the hospital, her arms were wrapped neatly i bandages, and her head felt light.

In her arm she had an IV, she was thirsty, but she didn't want to call someone to get it, then she was out in the world again, and this time she had to deal with that people knew about her cutting, worst, House would know.

It didn't take long untill the man visited her, she pretended to still be uncontious, and after a while he left. Or she tought.

"She's awake" he said to someone when he got to the door, and she sighed and opend her eyes, to see House and Chase standing there. She didn't even try to smile or greet them in anyway, she just groaned, and turned in the bed, towards the window, and stared outside.

House left when his pager went off, with one word, alog with a sigh, Cuddy, he left the room, Chase had no exuse to leave, so he stood there.

"Why Cameron?" she didn't move in her bed, she didn't even show any signs to even have heard what he had said. "Is your life so bad? That you try to kill yourself." she said somthing in mumble, and Chase steped towards her to hear what she said. "What did you say?"

"I didn't try to kill myself!" she yelled, it was the first thing she had said in the 15 minutes he had been there.

"Then what the hell were you doing?" he asked forcfully, but he didn't get an answer. After a while he gave up, she wasn't ready to speak about it.

The next day, when she was lying there, House came in, he sat down at the end of the bed, no words or snarky comments came from his mouth.

Cameron was shocked by the silence, she didn't know what to do, after a while she broke down in tears. House walked up to her, and huged her, it wasn't awkward as she tought it would be, it wasn't like a couple would hug, but how friends would hug.

"I dind't mean it..." she said truthfully, House still didn't say anything. "I just... it was a accident... I cut myself on the knife, and then I couldn't stop..." she sobbed hard into his chest, her whole body was shaking as she sobbed, the efort she had to but in to say those words had been to much.

After crying a while, House finally let go of her. Her sobbs weren't as violent, and frequent, it was only tears that flowed then.

"You look hedious in that hospital gown" he stated, and she laughed, a genuin laugh, she hadn't laughed a real laugh in months.

"Well no one has been at my house to pick up clothes for me" she said playfully to House. He stood up, and offered to pick up her clothes for her, so he would get a chance to see her uderwear, he joked. Before he closed the door, he turned around and looked at her, pain in his eyes.

"Thank god you're alive Cameron... it was alot of blood... we tought we'd lost you" and with that he closed the door. Cameron dried the tears on her face, as she watched House walk down the hall.

Cameron turned to look at the ceiling. It would take a long while untill she could be happy again, or as happy as she could be after this, and one day she might even thank god for the chances she got for surviving this. She was far from happy, but as happy as she could be in that moment.

She turned to look outside the glass doors, where the hospital was busy. She had friends that cared, enough to be angry at her for doing this, she had a good life, when she shoose to see it.

She would seak help, when she got out, but for then, she was going to lay there, and just be pleased that she for once, actually was seen.


End file.
